


Last Call at the Leaky Cauldron

by thequidditchpitch_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Multi, Post-Hogwarts, The Quidditch Pitch: Three of Hearts, Threesome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-10-17
Updated: 2005-10-17
Packaged: 2018-10-27 10:42:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10807476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thequidditchpitch_archivist/pseuds/thequidditchpitch_archivist
Summary: Post-Hogwarts. Ron has a bad day. Hermione and Harry cheer him up.





	Last Call at the Leaky Cauldron

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Annie, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Quidditch Pitch](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Quidditch_Pitch), which went offline in 2015 when the hosting expired, at a time I was not able to renew it. I contacted Open Doors, hoping to preserve the archive using an old backup, and began importing these works as an Open Doors-approved project in April 2017. Open Doors e-mailed all authors about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [The Quidditch Pitch collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/thequidditchpitch/profile).

**Notes:** written for 's [Last Call Challenge](http://www.livejournal.com/users/kerryblaze/70046.html). Those of you from RL will notice a cameo appearance from Pretty Boy #1 (I couldn't resist). And I shamelessly used a quote from 'The Girl Next Door' that was also the text on one of my past layouts.

 

_Bang_ went the door as it was flung open forcefully enough to bounce off the adjacent wall.

 

_Clank_ went the keys as they were smashed onto the counter.

 

_Slam_ went the door as it was violently returned to its previously closed state.

 

_Stomp_ went Ron Weasley as he made a beeline for the kitchen and promptly began analyzing the contents of the refrigerator.

 

Curled up in an arm chair in the living room, Hermione Granger didn't so much as look up from her book. "Bad day?"

 

Ron grunted in response. Hermione knew from experience that he wouldn't talk about his feelings until he was properly fed, so she continued reading until he had sloppily thrown together a sandwich and collapsed on the sofa.

 

"Hih rumpht muh," he announced through an unsightly mouthful of meat and bread.

 

Hermione frowned sympathetically and placed her book on the end table, giving the redhead her full attention. After ten years of listening to him talk with some type of food product in his mouth, she was fluent enough in Ron-glish to translate his mumblings into "he dumped me."

 

"I'm so sorry," Hermione said sincerely. "Do you want to talk about it?"

 

Ron inhaled the remainder of the sandwich in one swallow and buried his face in his hands. "Bloody git didn't even give me the decency of a face-to-face break up. He did it by _owl_. Bloody _owl_ , Hermione! How gay is that?"

 

Hermione raised an eyebrow at his choice of words, but wisely chose not to comment. Instead, she clucked her tongue disapprovingly and moved over to the sofa to pull him into a comforting hug.

 

"What's wrong with me?" he cried exasperatedly. "I have worse luck with men than I did with women!"

 

"He doesn't deserve you," she said soothingly. "If he can't see what a wonderful person you are, he's obviously not worthy of your affection."

 

Ron looked up at her with cloudy eyes. "Thanks, Hermione."

 

Hermione's compassionate smile slowly formed into a mischievous grin. "Change into something nice," she said brightly. "We're going out."

 

~*~*~*~

 

"I can't believe you talked me into this," Ron muttered bitterly as a large tumbler was placed in front of his nervously-twitching hands.

 

Harry eyed the layered liquid curiously and leaned towards Hermione. "What _is_ that?"

 

"Mind Eraser," she informed him in a low voice. "Much like the Muggle shot 'Mind Racer,' except that this version has a magical component that will allow the drinker to actually forget what is upsetting him. For the duration of time that the alcohol is in his system, anyway."

 

"Brilliant," said Harry.

 

Hermione looked pointedly at Ron. "What are you waiting for? You said you wanted a shot."

 

"Yeah, well..." He carefully picked up the tumbler and examined it closely. "I didn't think it would be that big!"

 

Harry snorted, followed by Hermione, and finally Ron. 

 

"I bet you never said that to what's-his-name," said Harry with a wink.

 

Hermione glared at him, but Ron simply shook his head and downed the shot in one gulp, slamming the empty tumbler on the table.

 

"What _was_ his name, anyway?" Harry mused out loud. "Something that reminds me of a pickle…"

 

"Dylan," supplied Ron. "How does that remind you of a pickle?"

 

"That's right." Harry took a swig of his Firewhiskey-and-coke, conveniently ignoring the question. "I never did care for that bloke anyway. Does he not know what a belt is?"

 

Hermione choked on her vodka-and-pumpkin juice, nearly spraying it all over the table. After making a good show of swallowing, she exploded in giggles. "Harry and I -" giggle "- used to take bets -" giggle "- on when his trousers would fall down!"

 

"I don't know what I saw in him!" exclaimed Ron, roaring with laughter. "He was such a queen. I felt straight compared to him."

 

"He's pretty," said Hermione in a sing-song voice.

 

Harry, red-faced from chuckling, pointed a wobbly finger at Ron as he spoke. "Didn't he dress up as a woman and try to get you to take him to a straight bar?"

 

Ron howled loudly as his laughter turned hysterical. "Gods, yes! I remember - he charmed his hair longer and even spelled the hair off his legs! He looked like a skinny Rita Skeeter!"

 

"You didn't actually _do_ it, did you?" gasped Hermione.

 

"No! I told him if I wanted to be with a woman, I'd go out with you!"

 

Hermione froze with her drink halfway to her lips. "Really?" she said quietly, her voice taking on a more serious tone.

 

"Well, yeah." Ron shifted uncomfortably. 

 

"Aw," teased Harry.

 

"Stuff it," said Ron, his face as red as his hair.

 

"I wonder why we never got together," Hermione pondered.

 

Harry snorted. "Because he's gay, genius."

 

She glared at him. "He wasn't _always_ gay."

 

"Sure he was."

 

"No I wasn't," said Ron.

 

Two heads swung towards him.

 

" _What_?" exclaimed Harry and Hermione in unison.

 

"I like both," Ron said in a small voice. "I just date men because, well, the only woman I would ever want to be with is Hermione."

 

"Aw!" cried Harry.

 

"Really?" Hermione reached across the table and clasped both of Ron's hands in her own. "That's so sweet!"

 

Ron squeezed one of her hands and released the other, turning towards Harry with soft smile.

 

"And none of my relationships with men work out because I want to be with you, Harry."

 

Harry's eyes widened and he jumped slightly. "Really?"

 

"Aw!" quipped Hermione.

 

Ron stretched his free hand across the table towards Harry, who looked at it skeptically before finally grasping it in his own.

 

"Hermione," he said slowly. "Are you sure there isn't another magical property to that Mind Eraser?"

 

Hermione hid a smile and began to respond, but she was cut off by a loud booming voice.

 

"Last call!" shouted Tom. "Last call at the Leaky Cauldron! You -"

 

The other patrons of the bar began chiming in with the nightly closing-time line.

 

"- don't have to go home but you have to get the hell of here!" 

 

The trio exchanged a look and broke down in a fit of giggles.

 

"Harry, Hermione," Ron said quietly. "You're not holding hands."

 

Hermione quickly darted her head back and forth between the two men. 

 

"I, um -"

 

"Sod it," said Harry suddenly, grabbing Hermione's hand and exhaling harshly. "We're a fucking tripod. We always have been."

 

Hermione nodded thoughtfully as Ron's face broke into an elated grin.

 

After squeezing of both of their hands, Harry smiled and said, "We should go home and, er, sort this all out."

 

"Sorting. Yes." Hermione nodded faster.

 

"Am I the only one who knew this all along?" said Ron in disbelief.

 

"No," replied Harry and Hermione promptly.

 

Hermione glanced briefly at Harry before adding, "We were just waiting for you to come around."

 

_Fin_


End file.
